Dude my mom stole all your condoms
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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