saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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