hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
