Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
