there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
