I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
