I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
