i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
