Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
