Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
