i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
