There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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