i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
