just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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