There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
