FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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