that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Pants are for mortals
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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