I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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