The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
