really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
