At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Im part way to drunk.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
