I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
