dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
