Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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