So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
