1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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