Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
