the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
