I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
