Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
