I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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