"it" just moved
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
