I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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