I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
