I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
