So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
