Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
