Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
