Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
