I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
