CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
