I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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