Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
