and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We left the knife in your bed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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