Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
