At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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