your parents love me but you hate me
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
