dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
