I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
