when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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