So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
