And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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