His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
